Slipping

Characters

Christopher: 39, Jewish/Italian.

Reed: Late 40s, Black.

Sloan: 60s. The character is/identifies as male but could be played by a female or genderqueer performer.

Jamie: Mid 30s.

Man: Any age.

Bob: Early 40s.

TJ: Early 20s.

Bathhouse Man 1: 20s.

Bathhouse Man 2: 20s.

Bartender: Non-speaking, doubled.

Setting

Neutral platform configured into exteriors and interiors of bathhouses; a restaurant; a parking lot; a bar/performance space; and an apartment living room.

Scene 1

The outdoor patio of a bathhouse.

Reed

Excuse me. It’s just. You have a whole conversation happening on your face.

Christopher

Conversation?

Reed

You’re obviously thinking about something.

Christopher

I am. I am.

Reed

I’ve been watching you, obviously.

Christopher

Should I be freaked out by that?

Reed

I hope not. Well. Maybe.

Christopher

No, I’m not freaked out. I was actually waiting for someone to come over. Hoping someone would come over.

Reed

Here alone?

Christopher

Isn’t everyone? No, I mean, I’ve come to bathhouses with friends. Where I live, I mean. Not here.

Reed

So you’re visiting.

Christopher

I’m a visitor.

Reed

From?

Christopher

Denver.

Reed

Denver! So--cold!

Christopher

Denver’s not always cold.

Reed

This time of year.

Christopher

It was eighty degrees last week. And dry. Florida is like a wet washcloth.

Reed

With palm trees.

Christopher

Yes, with palm trees.

Reed

So what did you bring?

Christopher

This? Whiskey. And vermouth. It’s a Manhattan.

Reed

That’s impressive.

Christopher

Well, it’s supposed to be a Manhattan. I forgot the bitters. Oops.

Reed

Still. Most guys bring a bottle of vodka. Cranberry juice, maybe.

Christopher

I’ve never cared for vodka cranberries.

Reed

Fair enough.

Christopher

Do you like them?

Reed

I don’t know if I’d say I like them. But if that’s what’s on offer.

Christopher

No thank you.

Reed

I’m surprised the guys here can mix a Manhattan.

Christopher

I can’t cook or bake, can’t combine more than two or three ingredients. Milk and cereal and a spoon. Three ingredients. If I can manage that, these bartenders can mix a Manhattan.

Reed

A spoon is an ingredient?

Christopher

No, not really. I thought I might slip that past you. It’s the third thing. Milk, cereal, a spoon. Whiskey, vermouth, bitters. I forgot the bitters, so a third thing isn’t technically necessary to achieve the parallelism.

Reed

Well, cheers to the effort?

Christopher

Vodka cranberry?

Reed

Gin and tonic.

Christopher

Classy.

Reed

Here? Always!

Christopher

Ah.

(cheers, drinks)

I need someone to shoot me in the head. Just shoot me in the head.

Reed

Tough day?

Christopher

Not really. That’s just what I was thinking about. The conversation in my head.

(gestures at his face)

I was thinking, I need someone to shoot me in the face.

Reed

It’s a pretty face.

Christopher

Is it, though? Really?

Reed

Sure it is. It’s a handsome face.

Christopher

Handsome like a gin and tonic at a bathhouse is classy?

Reed

I’ll drink to that.

Christopher

I’m way ahead of you.

Reed

Way, way ahead of me.

Christopher

Are you suggesting I’m drunk? I’m not drunk, actually. I’m definitely tipsy. And I’m not gonna lie, I smoked some pot before I got here. And sniffed some poppers in the bathroom because I thought I was going to get laid but then got felt up a little and decided I didn’t want to. So here I am.

Reed

Who felt you up?

Christopher

(looks at him for a beat)

Trevor. 28. He’s an accountant for Wacom and works from home in Boca where he enjoys alligator chasing and shuffleboard. Who felt me up?

Reed

A description.

Christopher

Tall. Older. Cuban. He was sweet, actually. Had his hands on my butt and everything. Sort of massaged the cheeks around, kept saying he was Cuban and passionate.

Reed

But you turned him down.

Christopher

I politely excused myself.

Reed

You weren’t into him?

Christopher

(hesitates)

I was self-conscious.

Reed

This is no place to be self-conscious.

Christopher

People were watching. I like that. In theory. Other people watching. But in practice... In practice I get self-conscious.

Reed

You don’t seem like the self-conscious type.

Christopher

He was passionate, the Cuban. I’ll give him that. I’m almost 40. I can’t get turned on by just anything.

Reed

I’m almost 40.

Christopher

Well.

Reed

Cheers to that?

Christopher

Cheers. Sure.

Reed

It’s working, whatever you’re doing.

Christopher

Doing?

Reed

To look young.

Christopher

It’s the smoking. It paralyzes my pores, fills them with fiberglass.

Reed

How’s it feel?

Christopher

Like my face is ashtray.

Reed

Being almost 40.

Christopher

Oh.

(beat)

Flaccid.

Reed

Ouch.

Christopher

How’s it feel for you?

Reed

Flaccid? Flaccid, fine, in certain scenarios.

Christopher

I could have have sex with a tree when I was 22. A tree! A walrus!

Reed

It’s different when you’re forty.

Christopher

Almost forty.

Reed

Is that why you want to be shot in the head?

Christopher

No.

Reed

Because you’re old?

Christopher

I don’t know.

(pause)

I mean, do I know? Yes. I have no problem with getting older. What I have a problem with is who I am now that I’m older.

Reed

And that is...?

Christopher

Did I ask your name?

Reed

No.

Christopher

I’m Christopher.

Reed

Reed.

Christopher

Hello Reed.

Reed

Hello Christopher.

Christopher

I think I crave control.

(beat)

I would have thought I’d be in more control of my life at almost forty. I’m not. I have very little say over what’s happening here.

Reed

That’s not so surprising.

Christopher

Isn’t it?

Reed

I don’t feel in control of anything. More than I felt in my 20s, maybe, but not really.

Christopher

It’s true, isn’t it. You feel more in control now than you did then but really it’s all just... ridiculous.

Reed

But I’m more at peace with it now.

Christopher

Exactly. It means we’ve given up.

Reed

Oh have we.

Christopher

In a sense, sure. Don’t you think?

Reed

I think you’re handsome. And intelligent. And if you’d let me, I’d like to take you to my room and massage every inch of you.

Christopher

Oh really.

Reed

I’m an expert with my hands.

Christopher

Are you?

Reed

You’ll have to come to my room to find out.

Christopher

How old are you again?

Reed

Same as you.

Christopher

Almost forty?

Reed

39 and some months.

Christopher

I like that idea.

Reed

Okay.

Christopher

Do you smoke?

Reed

No.

Christopher

No. Okay. Well I want another.

Reed

Go ahead.

Christopher

No one smokes anymore. I get that it’s horrible for you and disgusting for someone who doesn’t smoke to kiss someone who does. But still. This used to be what you did if you were cool. I was cool.

Reed

I bet you were.

Christopher

Don’t make fun of me.

Reed

A Boca Jew out for the night at a bathhouse?

Christopher

A Denver Jew.

Reed

Oh right.

Christopher

You got the Jewish part. I’m surprised. Most people hear “Christopher” and think I’m Italian.

Reed

You see enough Jews in Boca to know a Jew.

Christopher

Is that racist?

Reed

Are you kidding? Jewish guys with Italian names are my favorite.

Christopher

I am half Italian. My dad’s the Italian half. He insisted on the name.

Reed

They have many half-Jews, half-Italians in Denver?

Christopher

All Jew, technically--in the religious sense. Got my bar mitzvah photos to prove it. And no, they don’t have many Jews in Denver. Not as many as in Boca, anyway.

Reed

So you grew up a Jew among gentiles?

Christopher

I grew up on Long Island.

Reed

Of course you did.

Christopher

Don’t make me throw my botched Manhattan in your face.

Reed

What brought you to Denver?

Christopher

My nephew. He’s six months old and a poop and crying machine.

Reed

How old is he?

Christopher

Six months?

Reed

That is the poop and crying machine age.

Christopher

Do you have kids?

Reed

One. He’s 20.

Christopher

20?!

Reed

He’s my sister’s kid. I’ve taken care of him most of his life, he lives with me, so I think of him as my kid.

Christopher

Do you have a picture?

Reed

I left my wallet in my pants.

Christopher

That’s right. I forgot. No pants.

Reed

Towels only. Speaking of which, I’d love to see what’s under that towel. Just a massage, I promise.

Christopher

What makes you think I’d be satisfied with just a massage?

Reed

I can fuck you, too.

Christopher

I’m sure you can.

Reed

Come on. Try me.

Christopher

(pause)

Okay.

Reed

(reaches out his hand)

My room?

Christopher

You have a room?

Reed

Course I do.

Christopher

So fancy. I only ever get a locker.

Reed

I’m a high class brotha.

Christopher

Here’s the thing, though.

(beat)

I’m self-conscious, like I said.

Reed

(not believing him)

Come on.

Christopher

I’ve got a towel. And a cigarette. And a drink.

Reed

And without those things, you’re a wallflower?

Christopher

Don’t fuck around with me.

Reed

Fine, so you need some things. To keep your guard down.

Christopher

More alcohol, for starters.

Reed

I’ve got plenty of that.

(beat)

I’m not gonna force you. But here I am offering my room and my booze and my hands.

Christopher

And I’m being ungrateful.

Reed

Not ungrateful.

Christopher

I’m hedging.

Reed

I like you. Like you as in I think you should let me take you to dinner some night.

Christopher

I’m visiting, remember?

Reed

Some night before you go.

Christopher

I don’t think you’d like me.

Reed

I just said I do.

Christopher

It’s easy to like someone you don’t know.

Reed

I like what I know of you enough to want to know more.

Christopher

I’m not passionate about my job. I don’t have hobbies. I don’t really have any friends. Not close ones. I’ve realized I’m not really good at anything, don’t feel like I’m meant to be doing anything.

Reed

That sounds like 40 talking.

Christopher

I think it’s more than 40.

Reed

I’m not gonna force you.

Christopher

I’m not being forced.

Reed

I like you.

Christopher

(laughs)

Stupid.

Reed

We’ll see if you’re laughing an hour from now. These hands, I tell you.

Christopher

Those hands...

Reed

You never know. What I do to you tonight could change everything.

Christopher

What, like in a few months I’ll be telling the story of how I was seduced by my future husband at a bathhouse?

Reed

Whoa, whoa now. Future husband?

Christopher

Too shocking for you?

Reed

I dig it.

Christopher

“Dig it?” What are you, a teenager?

Reed

I think you’re smart. And funny. Being smart and funny is a tough combination to be really good at.

Christopher

It’s not exactly the basis for a purpose in life, is it? Even if it were true.

Reed

How about you just shut up and let me compliment you? Let me make you feel good.

Christopher

Okay.

Reed

Okay, you’ll come to my room?

Christopher

Okay, Mr. Future To-Be-Determined. I dare you. Make me feel good.

Christopher exits. Reed grabs the cigarettes, empties his drink, and exits.

Scene 2

A restaurant.

Sloan

You know I have no idea how you met.

Christopher

He’s a shy one, isn’t he?

Sloan

I don’t know why. I drove that boy to the clinic for his first Big Boy blood work. I’ve had boyfriends and fuck friends and been through one husband thank you very much and told him every thing about every single one of them.

Christopher

I like that he’s shy. It’s endearing.

Sloan

It wasn’t on a street corner, was it? Come on, you can tell me. I mean, he’s been hiding you away for what, months now? Which means he really likes you; he’s never held back a boyfriend this long. And you’re his first boyfriend in ages, to boot! Unless there were others he never told me about. Listen to me now, doubting everything. Have there been others?

Christopher

I didn’t ask.

Sloan

That’s part of the mating ritual, asking questions about each other’s exes.

Christopher

Not in our case.

Sloan

Well, I ask questions. I trained myself to ask questions because I am a chatterbox and if I don’t ask the other person a question, they’ll never have a chance to talk.

Christopher

I’m fine with listening.

Sloan

No, no. You say that, but believe me, I’ve learned from years of experience that people inevitably grow resentful if they aren’t allowed to talk. Besides, having you sit here listening does me no good. I want to know things. For starters, I want to know how the two of you met.

Christopher

He’ll be back in a minute.

Sloan

Then you’ll need to answer quickly.

Christopher

I mean, he’ll be back in a minute for you to ask him.

Sloan

I’m asking you.

Christopher

And I’m evading.

Sloan

And why are you doing that?

Christopher

I don’t know if he’d want me to--

Sloan

Ahhhh. So there was something sordid about it, was there?

Christopher

It wasn’t on a street corner.

Sloan

Of course not. You’re both too classy for that. Tell me it wasn’t on a computer.

Christopher

No.

Sloan

Good. I don’t understand computers. I don’t like them and I don’t use them and I don’t think gay people should be using computers to find other gay people to have sex with. You want to have sex? Go to a bar. That can’t be it, can it? A bar? Don’t tell me you’re being all “mmmm, I can’t tell you” and the two of you met at a bar?! You’re blushing, I can see it. No, it wasn’t a bar. And it wouldn’t have been a sex club; he doesn’t go in for that sort of thing anymore. Unless he’s had a change of heart...

(stares at Christopher long and hard)

He has had a change of heart.

Christopher

We did not meet in a sex club.

Sloan

It was bathhouse, wasn’t it? A bathhouse. Of course. Two gays far from home with nothing to do on a balmy night in Fort Lauderdale. I’m... speechless. Well, to the extent that I’m capable of being speechless, anyway. This is a big step for him. A very big step. Also a very enjoyable one, I’m sure.

Christopher

He had... a bad experience? At a bathhouse?

Sloan

No, not at a--

(beat)

Look at you, asking a question; the one who’s fine with just listening. The point is, look what came of it. He met you, let you in. Or you let him in. Or maybe neither of you let each other in and it was more of an exterior experience. Either way, the point is, if he hadn’t gone to that bathhouse, he wouldn’t have met you. Christopher. Christopher, the little half-Italian, half-Jewish sailor, setting off from the frozen tundras of Denver and landing in a shadowy bathhouse in Fort Lauderdale, arriving just in time to discover a lonely Georgia boy emerging from the gloom. Do you sail?

Christopher

Can’t say I have.

Sloan

Shame with that name you’ve got. Christopher. You ought to be exploring dark continents, conquering the inhabitants! You already conquered one of them from the looks of it.

Jamie

(entering)

Sorry. That took longer than I expected.

Sloan beams at him.

Jamie

What? You know how they... Sometimes. With my stomach.

Still beaming, Sloan pats the seat, indicating that Jamie should take it. Jamie sits.

Sloan

I’m very proud of you, little brother.

Jamie

Thanks?

Sloan

No, I truly am very proud of you. I was just telling Christopher, it’s a big step you took.

Christopher

I didn’t tell him.

Sloan

No sir, I used my sleuthing skills. Say that five times fast. Sleuthing skills sleuthing skills sleuthing--

Jamie

I wish you hadn’t.

Sloan

Do you think I would judge you? Me? Let me tell you something. There is nothing wrong or shameful about going to a bathhouse. Once upon time, a bathhouse was the one place our people could go to experience a life without secrets. Check in in the evening, stay til the next morning. And for those six or seven hours, you lived.

Jamie

Once upon a time, maybe.

Sloan

You’re saying you didn’t have fun?

Jamie

I’m saying it’s hard to imagine a bathhouse having such a noble purpose now.

Sloan

Maybe it doesn’t, but then again, maybe you shouldn’t be so concerned about needing a noble purpose for kicking off your clothes and being your naked, horny, red-blooded self for a night. There’s no shame in that, and it’s something you can’t strangle out of yourself no matter how tightly you’ve been buttoning that collar.

(taking out a cigarette)

I don’t suppose you smoke, do you.

Christopher

No, thank you.

Sloan

Course a fresh-faced thing like you doesn’t smoke. How old are you? Thirty? Thirty one?

(to Jamie)

You could pass for forty, maybe.

Jamie

Very funny.

Sloan

No, that’s not true. You’re beautiful. Show me that smile. Now loosen up those shoulders a bit, let some air in those lungs. I know you think I’m repeating an old wives’ tale, but all that worrying really does give you wrinkles.

Jamie

So does smoking.

Sloan

Me? I’m a spry forty eight, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Time was as a gay man you were dead at thirty. But me? I can drink the best of them under the table and fuck the best of them out of the barn yard.

Jamie

(to Christopher)

What did I tell you?

Sloan

What did he tell you?

Christopher

He told me you were animated. And crass.

Sloan

Animated. Is that what you told him? Animated?

Jamie

You are pretty animated.

Sloan

I’m not a cartoon. Jamie watches cartoons, not me. I assume you’ve seen his tattoo.

Christopher

It’s hard to miss.

Sloan

Show us your tattoo, Jamie. I know Christopher’s seen it this morning but I haven’t seen it in years. Go on. Show it.

Jamie unbuttons his shirt to reveal the Superman crest tattooed on his chest.

Sloan

Ooof. Look at those pectorals.

Jamie

Harhar.

Sloan

I took him to get that tattoo, you know.

Christopher

He told me.

Sloan

I never was much for Superman. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate his taste in spandex. But Jamie here wanted to be a superhero. Invincible. The power’s not in the skin, little brother. It’s in the soul.

Jamie

It’s why I got it on my heart instead of in the center of my chest. The heart’s basically the same as the soul. I mean, they have two different names but they’re basically the same thing.

Sloan

Do you have tattoos?

Christopher

No.

Sloan

I fought him tooth and nail on that thing. Barely had any money; to waste what little he’d saved on a tattoo of all things. As if the world can’t see you’re a superhero just by looking at you. Handsome. Fit. Jettisoned from your home planet, abandoned to my care, and now here you are, fully grown and ready to sweep this Denver boy into the clouds.

Jamie

I’d settle for sweeping him to Chicago first.

Sloan

Does our fine city not tempt you?

Christopher

It’s great.

(Sloan waits for more)

I hear it gets very cold here.

Sloan

Colder than Denver?

Christopher

Denver isn’t really that cold, actually. But I’m happy to be here.

Jamie

I got a desk for the guest room. So he can use it as an office.

Christopher

I’m part of this pilot program at work. I can basically work from anywhere with a phone line, which is nice.

Sloan

So you were working in Fort Lauderdale?

Christopher

Part of the time.

Sloan

And what brought you there? Other than the bathing establishments.

Christopher

My sister had a baby.

Sloan

So you were there to celebrate.

Christopher

There was a lot going on, obviously, with a newborn in the house.

Sloan

So you high-tailed it to the city.

Christopher

My grandparents used to live there. My parents would take us to visit every year when we were kids.

Sloan

You have siblings?

Christopher

A sister.

Sloan

Are you close with her, your parents?

Christopher

Sure.

Sloan

Come now, you can tell your Aunt Sloan. Next to Jamie’s parents I’m sure yours is a treat.

Christopher

Oh, they’re fine about me being gay.

Sloan

That’s not the only criteria.

Christopher

I call them. We talk. I visit them in New York a few times a year. They come to Denver to see my sister and their grandson.

Sloan

Is that why you moved to Denver? For your sister?

Christopher

I knew she was planning to have a baby.

Sloan

So you went where you felt you’d be needed.

Christopher

Mostly I’m a glorified babysitter. They have this girl they use. She’s better with him than I am. I come in when she’s busy.

Sloan

I hate children. I’m sorry, I’m just going to say it. Jamie, I swear, if you’d been just a few years younger when I found you, I would have left you to the fates.

Jamie

That’s reassuring.

Sloan

Oh, I’m only joking. I think. I’m sure I would have put you up for the night, called you a taxi the next day. Anyway, back to the two of you. The setting is a bathhouse on a swampy Fort Lauderdale night. The extras are gathered with towels around their waists, Grace Jones or Debbie Harry or one of those ladies the gays in Florida love is playing on the speakers.

Christopher

I was swimming.

Sloan

(inhales the imaginary odor)

The smell of chlorine is in the air.

Christopher

(to Jamie)

I don’t have to keep going.

Sloan

Oh yes you do!

Christopher

He was sitting by the pool, I think. Actually I’m a bit foggy on the details.

Sloan

It wasn’t that long ago.

Christopher

I was... tipsy.

Jamie

You had this look on your face... It was before you even saw me, I think. You looked like you were, I don’t know, like you were solving a math equation or something. Your face was so intense and quiet.

Sloan

Okay, so Mr. Columbus here is naked in a swimming pool and apparently doing math, and you were...?

Jamie

I was just watching him.

Sloan

And you said? Or did?

Jamie

I said... I said something like, “You make the water look nice.”

Sloan

Smooth, baby.

Jamie

I certainly wasn’t expecting to meet anybody.

Sloan

You should send that bathhouse a picture and a thank you card, tell ’em they hosted a magical connection on such and such a date.

Jamie

We might leave off the date.

Sloan

They can put it on their Wall of Success. You know, like those signs you see at drug stores. We sold the ticket with the winning lottery numbers.

Jamie

Some guy died there.

Sloan

Died?

Jamie

Hit his head. Something. It was the same night. We went back a few days later and a couple of guys were talking about it.

Sloan

Like, he just hit his head and died?

Jamie

The floors were wet. He probably just slipped and fell. I’ve had plenty of cases where that’s happened. Not at bathhouse, but in bathrooms. Showers. People slip, hit their heads on the tub or the floor.

Sloan

Well. I guess there really is a reason why anyone should wear flip-flops. Had you seen him?

Jamie

I don’t think so. I mean, we might’ve. I mostly had my eyes on this one.

Sloan

Aw.

Jamie

I feel bad for the investigator. He can’t have much to go on. I’m betting the owners don’t keep great records. If he’s lucky they have cameras.

Christopher

They don’t have cameras.

Jamie

They could.

Christopher

In a bathhouse?

Jamie

It’s probably not something they’d want anyone to know about.

Sloan

Sounds like a golden opportunity to me.

Christopher

Did they bring the check?

Sloan

(slides it over from the center of the table)

As you requested.

Jamie

(sees cash on the table)

This isn’t yours, is it?

Sloan

I know better than to stand in the way of your generosity.

Jamie

(to Christopher)

Take this back. This is my treat.

Sloan

Jamie is generous. Sometimes to a fault. And kind, also occasionally to a fault. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you but some people have taken advantage.

Jamie

He doesn’t need to hear that.

Sloan

Let me explain something. I do not make a habit of “investing” in people. I heard that on Oprah the other day and I was like, “no, uh-uh.” I keep my money where only I can find it because I will not be stolen from, and I do the same with my love, for the same reason. So here is the part of the meeting where I gently offer you a caution. Contrary to my better judgment, I’ve invested a lot of love in this boy, and I will not have that investment compromised. You understand what I’m saying?

Christopher

Sure.

Sloan

I don’t think you would take advantage. You seem like a sweetheart. But you could be a devil for all I know. You’re not a devil, are you?

Jamie

Sloan.

Christopher

I don’t think so.

Sloan

Don’t think so. Now that’s interesting. Most people would say, “What are you talking about, a devil?,” or they’d just deny it. Then again, maybe the real devils are the ones who protest too much. You’d think I’d know, but I’ve been introduced to a devil or two, and I will never forgive myself for failing to see them for what they really were.

Christopher

(tensely)

I’m not a devil.

Sloan

(stares at him for a beat)

Well, if you are, then there really is no telling the good ones from the bad. Please be a good one to him is all I’m asking.

Christopher

I’ll try.

Sloan

Good. I believe you. Now someone stop me from talking, my face is tired. I’m like one of those pull toys except with a string that goes on forever.

(as the group gathers up their things to go)

Jamie, don’t you just love Christopher’s name? Don’t you think he ought to be riding the seas! Exploring dark continents! Isn’t it fascinating to think of what a name says about a person?

Jamie

A name like “Sloan,” you mean?

Sloan

Which means “warrior” in Celtic.

Jamie

It’s also the name of a company that makes toilets.

Sloan

Only the finest toilets, thankyouverymuch! These haunches rest on only the finest porcelain. And should my name encourage others to rest their haunches on me, so much the better.

Sloan exits.

Jamie

I’m sorry about the whole “devil” thing.

Christopher

It’s fine.

Jamie

No, it isn’t. He’s done this before: pressured me to introduce him to a boyfriend and then said things to make him uncomfortable. It’s not like he doesn’t like you. One time he literally chased a guy out of my apartment. It’s why I won’t introduce him to a boyfriend now unless it’s in a public place.

Christopher

He thinks of you as his little brother. I’m sure he just wants to protect you.

Jamie

I’m Superman, remember? I can protect myself. Or at least I’ve gotta learn. Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive. Anything you’re afraid of, I can mow it down.

Christopher

Anything I’m afraid of...

Jamie

I just might need a bathroom break. It’s these pills. It’s embarrassing.

Christopher

Even superheros need bathroom breaks.

Jamie

Most of them don’t need pills. Maybe someday I won’t either.

Christopher

Well, for now, considering the state of your non-superhuman arteries, I’d say it’s a reasonable trade-off. Besides, it’s nothing some Lysol can’t handle.

Sloan

(re-entering)

Come on, love birds; the place is empty and they’re ready to close. Jamie, I had them put an order of fish sticks on your card so I’ll have something to munch on later. And I want to show Christopher my collection of dashboard hula girls. I just got a new one named Bettie. She looks just like Bettie Page with her bangs--only instead of being bound and gagged, she’s playing a ukulele.

Sloan exits.

Jamie

Oh, he definitely likes you. He doesn’t show the hula girls to just anyone.

Christopher

I’ll be right there. It’s my turn to use the bathroom.

Jamie

Does it really smell that badly? Lysol? God this is so embarrassing.

Christopher

I was trying to make a joke.

Jamie

It’s not a joke.

Christopher

It was an insensitive joke, I’m sorry. It would serve me right if I end up being in the bathroom for the next ten minutes.

Jamie

You’re not feeling well?

Christopher

I think I’m just tired.

Jamie

That’s partially my fault, isn’t it? I made you nervous, building up to this. I could feel you tossing and turning all night.

Christopher

Those were just bad dreams. Nothing to do with today.

Jamie

Anything you’re afraid of, remember?

Christopher

You’ll mow it down.

Jamie moves to exit.

Christopher

It makes me feel good. Knowing you want to protect me.

Jamie

Today was just practice, okay? I’ll get better at it.

Christopher

I don’t need protection from him. You can save your powers.

They share a smile. Christopher kisses Jamie.

Christopher

I’ll be right out.

Jamie

Take your time. If you can wait for me, I can wait for you.

Jamie exits. Christopher lingers for a beat, then spots Sloan’s still-burning cigarette in the ashtray. He picks it up, pulls up his sleeve and, with a SHARP PULL OF BREATH THROUGH HIS TEETH, extinguishes the cigarette on his elbow.

Scene 3

A parking lot. Christopher is smoking. A MAN enters with a gym bag, standing some distance away.

Man

Hey.

Christopher doesn’t hear.

Man

Hey.

Christopher looks at him.

Man

(barely intelligible)

Iaskyousomething?

Christopher

Sure.

Man

This place? This is the place, like, for guys?

Christopher

Yup.

Man

What kind of stuff goes on in there?

Christopher

They have a pool. You can swim. They have a steam room. You don’t have to do anything. There’s barely anyone in there.

Man

Oh.

Christopher

Maybe three people?

Man

You going in?

Christopher

I just got out.

Man

Oh.

(pause)

Can I give you a blow job?

Christopher

No thank you.

Man

Just for a little while?

Christopher

We’re in a parking lot. You should go in. Go for a swim.

Man

Come on, man.

Christopher

I appreciate it.

Man

I don’t wanna go in there, man. Come back to my car.

Christopher

I’m waiting for a cab.

Man

I’m not gonna hurt you or anything. Just wanna suck your dick.

Christopher looks at him for a beat.

Christopher

What’s in the bag?

Man

Nothing.

Christopher

Change of clothes?

Man

I don’t wanna go in there.

Christopher

Come closer.

The Man comes a few steps closer.

Christopher

Come on. Closer. If you’re not gonna hurt me, I won’t hurt you either.

The Man comes closer. They are standing very near each other now.

Christopher

What’s your name?

Man

Joe.

Christopher

I’m Christopher.

Man

Hey. Christopher.

Christopher

Can I look in your bag?

The Man gives Christopher his bag. Christopher opens it, looks through it.

Christopher

Could you pull up your shirt?

Man

Here?

Christopher

Here, the same place you wanted to give me a blow job. I want to see you aren’t hiding anything.

Man

You pull up your shirt, man.

Christopher pulls up his shirt, then pulls it down. The Man does the same. The Man looks around, then moves to drop to his knees.

Christopher

No.

Man

(scared)

Someone’s coming?

Christopher

No.

Man

You wanna come to my car? It’s just that way a little. Or do you...? Do you wanna suck my dick?

The Man looks around. Unzips his fly. Christopher looks at him.

Man

Come on, man.

(pause)

At least you wanna touch it?

They look at each other. Christopher puts his hand inside the Man’s pants.

Man

Oh. That’s good. That’s good. Now stroke it.

Christopher strokes it.

Man

That’s good. Fuck. Fuck.

He pushes Christopher to go down on him. Christopher shoves him.

Man

Fuck, man.

Christopher

Fuck off.

Man

Just put it in your mouth. For a second.

Christopher

Go inside and get fucked.

The Man grabs Christopher and pulls a knife out his pocket. Long pause.

Man

I don’t wanna go in there. I know what kinda stuff goes on in there. People like you--fuck. You give each other diseases and kill each other. You fuck in there?

Christopher

I called a cab.

Man

Answer the question, man. You fuck in there?

Christopher

No.

Man

Tell me the truth, man.

Christopher

My cab is coming.

Man

Not tonight, maybe. Okay. But you’ve fucked in there before? How?

Christopher

How?

Man

He put it in you? You put it in him?

Christopher

He put it in me.

Man

Yeah?

Christopher

It’ll be here any minute, my cab.

Man

How?

Christopher

He... he put it in me. We had sex.

Man

How?

Christopher

He fucked me.

Man

You gave him diseases?

Christopher

No.

Man

What did you give him?

Christopher

He’s dead.

Man

Because of you.

Christopher

Because of me...

Christopher tries to grab the knife and push the Man away. The knife cuts Christopher’s hand; he HISSES with pain and stumbles a few feet from the Man, who watches Christopher, frozen.

Man

(looking at the knife)

Shit. Shit, man.

Christopher

(gripping his hand)

Fuck.

Man

Is your hand? That’s all.

Christopher

Get the fuck out of here you crazy, closeted fuck!

The sound of a CAR APPROACHING is heard. The Man pockets the knife and flees. Christopher grips his hand as the LIGHTS from the unseen car brighten on him.

Scene 4

A bar/performance space.

Sloan

(in drag)

Okay, hunnies. Next up is Ms. Bella Lugosi. Ms. Bella chose that name because (1) she knew it had something to do with vampires (she loves her some Anne Rice) and (2) because she’d looked up the name “Bella” in a baby book and saw that it means “beautiful,” like a Goddess. This appealed to Bella because she fancies herself the picture of dark, refined femininity. Unfortunately, she hadn’t thought to dust off her Compton’s and look up who “Bella Lugosi” actually was. You. You look smart. You know who Bella Lugosi was? A man. That’s right. A Hungarian, alcoholic man. Fortunately for Bella, she just so happens to be an alcoholic with a dick. I’m not sure about the Hungarian part. Hey Bella, are you Hungarian? Bella...?

Sloan peers off, gesturing back and forth with an unseen person offstage.

Sloan

Well. I don’t know where Bella went, but I’ve been instructed to entertain y’all until she gets back. Have we checked these beautiful young boys for bite marks on their necks? All I’m saying is Ms. Bella better save some of that flesh for the rest of us.

A recording of MONSTER MASH starts playing. Sloan lip syncs and shimmies to the song, layering on the occasional bit of commentary as she collects tips.

Sloan

Oops. Fucked that up. Not my song.
Spare a dollar for an old queen?
Hear that, Bella? We’ve got Vampires Feasting!
I once had a man named Igor in chains.
[etc.]

The song ends and Sloan bows.

Sloan

Thank you, Queers and Canaries. My sister Anus Staples is gonna take over while I go searching for a missing Queen. Bella! Bella!

She exits. The lights change. Jamie enters and sits at a bar.

Jamie

Gin and soda?

Sloan enters as if having pushes his way through a crowd.

Sloan

Clear a path for your elders, for fuck’s sake!

He spots Jamie and sneaks up behind him.

Sloan

I’d know that little bum of yours anywhere.

Jamie

Find Bella?

Sloan

In the john.

Jamie

She okay?

Sloan

Baby, ain’t none of us okay. We’re lucky these cowboys are still letting us traipse around in our cheap heels on their side-stage.

Jamie

You were fabulous.

Sloan

You saw that? I pulled that whole number out of my ass! Imagine what else I’ve got room for up there! Whatcha drinking?

Jamie

Nothing yet. A woman shot herself in a Kohl’s.

Sloan

Oh honey.

Jamie

Twice. In the head.

Sloan

Twice? And in a Kohl’s, that poor thing.

Jamie

You can see it in the security footage. Aimed at her head the first time, took off an ear. She obviously hadn’t shot a gun before, wasn’t prepared for the recoil.

The BARTENDER brings Jamie’s drink.

Sloan

(to the Bartender)

Rum and coke, please. Jamie’s paying.

Jamie

(distastefully)

Rum and coke.

Sloan

I only asking you to pay for it, not drink it. For the life of me I cannot understand how you do what you do. Dead people. Every day. This one shoots herself in a Kohl’s. That one ODs on heroine and dies in her own diarrhea.

Jamie

Not every case is that graphic.

Sloan

Only the ones you seem to tell me about.

Jamie

I thought Chris was okay with it. He’s the first guy who wasn’t like it’s creepy and depressing.

Sloan

It is creepy and depressing. The boy’s just got a good poker face.

Jamie

Maybe. Maybe I talk about it too much and that’s what turned him off.

Sloan

The boy just sailed home to take care of some business. That doesn’t mean you turned him off.

Jamie

He’s pulling away.

Sloan

Come on, now.

Jamie

He’s never home. Or he’s screening my calls. And when he does pick up, I ask how things are and what he’s been doing and his answers are just--nothing.

Sloan

He’s in Denver. What is it you think he’s up to that’s so exciting, exactly?

Jamie

He told me he cut his hand. So there’s that. Most of the time it’s just me talking about work.

Sloan

If the stories you’re telling him are anywhere near as delightful as the ones you tell me, you might be onto something about cutting back.

Jamie

I thought he liked hearing about it. He’s always asking questions.

Sloan

Look. I think you’re overreacting. The boy’s just busy is all. He has a life he’s tending to.

Jamie

Shouldn’t I know something about it?

Sloan

How long has it been? Six months? Some guys need more time than that to open up. You’re so trusting you split wide open the moment a stranger blows you a kiss.

Jamie

He told me he’d been in a relationship. A long one.

Sloan

That’ll do it for killing a boy’s trust.

Jamie

They were married, I think. He’s listed as having applied for a domestic partnership.

(by way of explanation)

I got bored at work; the woman didn’t shoot herself until a few hours ago. I looked up that bathhouse guy, too--the one who died. It went out as an accident. No signs of anything unusual.

Sloan

You should not be investigating your boyfriend at work.

Jamie

I wasn’t investigating. I just--want to know things.

Sloan

Which he’ll tell you. In time.

Jamie

Time.

Sloan

You have plenty of time.

Jamie

I told him the pills are for high blood pressure.

Sloan

That seems like a bit of a stretch. Now if you’d told him they were for depression...

Jamie

We’ve been safe, I mean. Very safe.

Sloan

Do you think I ever doubted that? No. You’re one of the good ones, and you’ll tell him when you’re good and ready.

Jamie

If he even comes back.

Sloan

And if he doesn’t? Look. You know I like him. But assuming the worst for a second, I will not have you shriveling back up into a funk. I refuse to allow it. He put some air back in your tires, now you keep it in there, regardless of what he does or doesn’t do. Do you hear me, little brother?

Jamie

Yes.

Sloan

“Yes.” That’s not a “yes.” If flat tires could talk, that’s what they’d sound like.

Jamie

All those friends of yours. Who died. They had people who loved them, didn’t they? Partners?

Sloan

Those men didn’t have the drugs you have.

Jamie

But they had partners. Boyfriends.

Sloan

You are not dying.

Jamie

We all are.

Sloan

Well he’s not gonna stop that. And it would be bad for both of you if the reason you want him is just so he can keep you company while you die.

Jamie

That’s not the only reason.

Sloan

This is why I do drag. Drag queens don’t have to deal with death. So long as we keep our faces painted, we can live--well, not forever--but rumor has it some of us have lived up to two hundred years thanks to judicious reapplication and avoiding the rain. We can survive gunshots. Broken hearts.

Jamie

You’ll live to a hundred and fifty, tops. A hundred and sixty if you quit smoking.

Sloan

Joke’s on you, then. Miss Fruity Pebbles here just turned a hundred and sixty two. And I’d think you should want to help me celebrate that milestone by taking me for a twirl on the dance floor.

Jamie

Imagine all the things you’d see in two hundred years. Imagine all the deaths I’d investigate, all the different methods.

Sloan

Or you could imagine something sunnier. You could imagine all the men you’d meet, all the orgasms you’d have, all the food you’d eat and all dancing you could do.

Jamie

I don’t dance.

Sloan

I’ll be calling you a liar momentarily. But first I need a favor. Well, two favors. I’d love another rum and coke. But before I ask for that, I need you to lend me those strapping arms of yours to help me get Bella off the floor. She oughta be passed out by now. Was crying so hard her face looked like one those charcoal rubbings tossed in a puddle.

Jamie

What happened?

Sloan

Some devil broke her heart. You know the tune.

Jamie

And you left her there?

Sloan

You see these marks on my arm? I tried. Girl was clawing at me like a frightened house cat.

Jamie

What did he do to her?

Sloan

The point is, she’ll survive, as all drag queens do. She just needs to dry those tears, get her face back on quick. Right now her real face is showing; she’s missing her armor.

Jamie

Do you think anyone has that? A real face?

Sloan

I think anyone who shows it too often is a masochist. Or an idiot. Either way you’re asking for a whole lot of pain. If you enjoy that sort of thing, good for you. If not, you might as well get used to crying your eyes out on a bathroom floor, because that’s exactly where life will leave you.

Scene 5

A bathhouse, indoors, poolside. Christopher has his eyes trained on someone (unseen) located beyond the stage; the effect is of him staring at the audience. He smokes a cigarette; his other hand is bandaged.

He watches the unseen person for several beats, then puts out the cigarette decisively.

Christopher

Hey.

Pause. Christopher holds a smile, gauging the other person’s interest. When he’s satisfied he has enough of it...

Christopher

You sure make that water look nice.

Bob

(entering, wet, from the audience; wearing a towel)

Thanks.

Christopher

I love swimming.

Bob

You should get in, then.

Christopher

(holds up his hand)

I can’t.

Bob

What happened?

Christopher

A knife.

Bob

(sitting next to him)

Ouch. What, like a kitchen knife?

Christopher

I was doing the dishes. The sink was full of water and my hand slipped.

Bob

Stitches?

Christopher

Ten.

Bob

I fell on a sailboat once. There was a screw sticking up from the floor and my hand went slam right through it. Six stitches and a Tetanus shot.

Christopher

I got one of those too.

Bob

It’s part of the party.

Christopher

I’m not supposed to get it wet, so that means no swimming, no steam room even. So I’ve basically just been sitting here all night. Like a dead fish.

Bob

They’re playing a movie in the lounge. The Goonies, I think. But then you could probably watch that at home.

Christopher

It’s certainly not the main attraction here. I’m Christopher.

Bob

Bob. Are you from here?

Christopher

Not originally. But I live here. You?

Bob

Nebraska.

Christopher

You’re visiting?

Bob

My parents live in Breckenridge. Moved there for the skiing.

Christopher

I’ve never skied. Never.

Bob

How long have you lived here?

Christopher

I know.

Bob

Come on.

Christopher

Two years.

Bob

How can you live in Colorado and not ski?

Christopher

Where I’m from, skiing was for rich people. My parents took us to the ballet. Museums. Florida, to visit family. But skiing was way too fancy. You needed to live in a house with at least six more rooms than we had.

Bob

Where are you from?

Christopher

Does it matter?

Bob

It’s conversation. I’m from Nebraska. I think I said that.

Christopher

You said you were visiting from there.

Bob

Grew up there, too.

Christopher

I’ve been there. For work.

Bob

What do you do?

Christopher

Blah.

Bob

Blah?

Christopher

I hate talking about this stuff. I mean, I like talking to you. I’m glad you came over. But let’s talk about something else.

Bob

Something more in keeping with where we are?

Christopher

Is this your first time?

Bob

Nah. Come here whenever I’m in town. I love it. It’s got a great pool, great sauna. I don’t even sleep with anyone, usually.

Christopher

That’s funny, isn’t it? How we say that? I’m not saying it’s not true, but I think it’s funny how we slip that qualifier in there. “I don’t even usually do anything.” Again, I’m not saying--

Bob

No, you’re right. It’s true.

Christopher

I mean, it’s... I’ve said the same thing. I’m not excluding myself.

Bob

I’d say you do something with words.

Christopher

Oh?

Bob

You have this... The way you talk. There’s nothing wrong with it or anything. It’s just--maybe it’s a little heightened compared to most people?

Christopher

That’s an interesting observation coming from someone who just used the word “heightened.”

Bob

I work with words. Not like you do, maybe. I don’t know what you do. I’m a-- You didn’t want to talk about this.

Christopher

I’m curious now.

Bob

I do coaching.

Christopher

Like baseball coaching?

Bob

Motivational coaching. Mostly for businesses. How to manage conflict, achieve goals, overcome personal and professional barriers to success. I do some individual career and life coaching, too.

Christopher

I never met anyone who does that.

Bob

It’s a bit of a niche thing.

Christopher

So you, like, work with the words people say to help them achieve their goals?

Bob

I just published a book about it.

Christopher

A book?

Bob

That’s what I meant by working with words. Should have been clearer about that.

Christopher

So you’re a writer.

Bob

Not really.

Christopher

You wrote a book. People who write books are writers.

Bob

I mean, technically, sure. But I’ve got no talent for it, not like my dad. He and my mom adopted me, and he wrote this book a few years ago about our relationship as adopted father and son. He’d written books and articles when I was a kid--mostly about psychology, which he taught. Those went way over my head, but when he sent me a draft of the book about me and him, I remember reading it and just--just being so in awe of the way everything flowed, how the words just seemed to happen. That’s a real writer: someone who makes it look effortless. Which is why I describe myself as someone who works with words and not a writer. In my writing, you can see the work.

Christopher

Still, that’s impressive that it was published.

Bob

It’s not going to win any writing prizes, but my phone is ringing, which is the important thing. Having a book is branding. It helps you get hired for speaking engagements, consulting jobs.

Christopher

But you believe in what it’s about.

Bob

Hm?

Christopher

You believe in the ideas in the book. You wouldn’t write a book just to get business.

Bob

Oh, no. No. I definitely believe in the ideas.

Christopher

Tell me about one?

Bob

An idea in the book?

Christopher

One you believe in.

Bob

Sure. Okay.

(pause)

So there’s this idea of the entrapping personal narrative. It comes from Landmark Forum-EST. The idea is you have a story about yourself that determines how you see yourself and how you see the world. I’m always a victim; the world is constantly victimizing me. I’m always a failure; the world is constantly setting me up to fall on my ass. Or maybe I think I’m always a generous person and the world is constantly benefiting from my generosity. Most of us aren’t conscious of our narratives, so we can’t escape them. If my story is “I’m always a failure,” I can’t see or experience success. If my story is I’m always generous, I can’t see or experience all the times I’ve withheld something from someone and caused them pain--because no one is always generous. No one is always anything.

Christopher

This isn’t your idea.

Bob

No. It comes from Landmark Forum; I don’t know if you know them.

Christopher

They’re kind of a cult, aren’t they?

Bob

Some people get extreme about it.

Christopher

But it’s not, like, your original idea. I’m just trying to understand.

Bob

What?

Christopher

If it’s not your idea, but you put it in your book...

Bob

Have you written a book?

Christopher

No.

Bob

Sounds like maybe you want to.

Christopher

Because I’m asking questions?

Bob

Because you seem defensive. Yes, it’s not my idea. No, I can’t claim to be this philosophical wellspring of original ideas, so maybe I don’t deserve to have a book. Is that what you’re thinking?

Christopher

(beat)

Yes.

Bob

What kind of book do you want to write?

Christopher

A novel.

(pause)

I wanted to write a novel.

Bob

Why didn’t you?

Christopher

I did. I mean, I tried.

Bob

Let me guess: “I’m always a failure”?

Christopher

No.

Bob

You’re awfully young to be stuck in that narrative already.

Christopher

I’m not so young.

Bob

How old are you?

Christopher

Two hundred.

Bob

You’re one of those guys who’s older than he looks, huh? I get that. I am that. It’s funny: you’d think it would be the most amazing thing, getting to keep your youth card past its expiration date. Sometimes it is amazing, don’t get me wrong. But we’re still getting older. It feels like you’re living in stolen skin. All it takes is one dated reference in a conversation to expose us for the old men we’re becoming.

Christopher

(beat)

I wasn’t talented enough.

Bob

To do what? Write? Who told you that? Publishers? Agents?

Christopher

My partner, mostly. Boyfriend. Husband. Granted, publishers and agents weren’t exactly beating down the door. He was right.

Bob

“Always a failure.”

Christopher

No. Not anymore. These days, if I had to boil down my story to something as concise as “I’m always an x,” I’d say I’m always... I’m always...

Bob

The whole point is to realize there is no “I’m always an x or y.” The only thing that’s always true about you is change. Recognize that you’re always changing and you can experience the world and it can experience you in a thousand different ways.

Christopher

I don’t think I’m always changing.

Bob

Because you refuse to recognize it.

Christopher

I do think, maybe, every person can experience one great change. There’s precedence for it in nature, in mythology: caterpillars into butterflies, human bodies into animal ones. I don’t think people are always changing, at least not meaningfully, but do think there’s such a thing as transformation.

Bob

Are you speaking from experience?

Christopher

I’m speaking theoretically.

A beat.

Bob

Perfect for a bathhouse, huh? This conversation we’re having?

Christopher

I’ve actually been known to enjoy conversation in a bathhouse.

Bob

You’re cute.

Christopher

You too.

Bob

Like I said, I just came here to swim. I hadn’t planned on doing anything.

Christopher

We’re talking. That’s something.

Christopher kisses Bob.

Bob

I bet you could still write an amazing novel.

Christopher

Do you want to go somewhere?

Bob

What’s wrong with here?

Christopher

Somewhere private.

Bob

I kinda like it when other guys can watch.

Bob kisses Christopher, then looks off.

Bob

Playroom’s closed for construction, huh? That’s a shame. Think of what we could do on all those mattresses, just the two of us.

Christopher

Technically the sign doesn’t say “closed,” just “under construction.”

Bob

Could be dangerous. Something might fall from the rafters.

Christopher

The secret to surviving an impact is relaxation. I read that once. If you tense up your body, you shatter like glass. You have to relax your muscles to absorb the shock.

Bob

I don’t know how relaxed either of us is going to be.

Christopher

The idea is, if you accept the inevitability of the impact, your body will naturally go limp.

Bob

I certainly hope neither of us goes limp.

Christopher

What I don’t understand is, how do you do that? Resist the impulse to brace yourself when you know something terrible is coming?

Bob

I promise I’ll protect you from falling objects. Though if you’d rather not risk it, we could always stay here. Put on a show.

Christopher

I don’t think I could do that.

Bob

Why?

Christopher

I’m tired of performing.

Bob

I bet you like a little danger, huh? Gets the blood moving?

(puts Christopher’s hand on his groin)

Feel this? Feel the blood moving there? You think you can relax for that?

Christopher

A few deep breaths.

Bob

We can go as slowly as it takes. I promise you won’t shatter.

Christopher

You make a lot of promises, don’t you?

Bob

I’ll only make a promise I can keep. I believe in doing right.

Christopher

I wish I didn’t believe in right. If I think too much about right, I get so stiff I can barely move.

Bob

How about this? Just be here. In the present. With me. I give you permission for the rest of the night to take a break from thinking and just be.

Christopher

How do you stop thinking?

Bob

You relax.

Christopher

And if something falls from the rafters and hits us?

Bob

If you’re relaxed, your body will absorb the blow.

Christopher

That’s what I read. I don’t know if I believe it.

Bob

Where does all that thinking get you, if it means you’re always trying to anticipate what’s coming next? You can’t know. None of us can.

Christopher

We’ll just be, then. In the present.

Bob

Exactly.

Christopher

And if something is coming towards us...

Bob

Which I doubt it will.

Christopher

Still, that thing would be inevitable. Like a knife cutting your hand. It hurts, but not as much as you’d think.

Bob

I think many of us have more control over our pain than we realize. It can be a narrative that some of us get stuck in, the story of how much we suffer.

Christopher

So I can choose not to feel my pain.

Bob

Or not to feel it as much.

Christopher

Let the skin absorb the knife. The body absorb in the falling object.

Bob

You have a lot of pain, don’t you.

Christopher

No more than anyone else.

Bob

I promise nothing is going to hurt you tonight.

Christopher

I won’t hold you to that promise. It’s not yours to keep.

Scene 6

Jamie’s apartment. Christopher is reading a book. CHRISTMAS MUSIC plays in the background.

Jamie enters, watching Christopher for a beat. Christopher looks up, sensing his presence. His hand is no longer bandaged.

Christopher

I told you, I can chop something.

Jamie

I don’t want you chopping anything. I want you to keep that hand.

Christopher

Come on, at least let me peel a carrot.

Jamie

Everything’s done.

Christopher

No.

Jamie

Yes.

Christopher

How is that possible?

Jamie

Well, I mean, there’s still a few things. The salad. I’ll throw that together when he gets here.

Christopher

(checking his watch)

I thought he wasn’t even supposed to be here until 7.

Jamie

Sloan’s always early. Well, he’s always early if the thing starts before nine. If it starts after nine he’ll be at least a half-hour late.

Christopher

That’s a strange pattern.

Jamie

It’s so he can take a disco nap, he calls it.

Christopher

A disco nap?

Jamie

Like, the nap you take before you go out to the disco. So you can stay up later.

Christopher

What a great phrase: “disco nap.” What would it be for our generation? “Rave nap”? “Club nap”? How come dance clubs in the 70s were discos but in the 80s and 90s they were just “clubs”?

Jamie

I can let you peel a carrot for the salad. If you’re good.

Christopher

If I’m good.

Jamie

Or you can just sit here, reading. And let me watch.

Christopher

That can’t be very exciting.

Jamie

It makes me happy.

Christopher

To watch me reading?

Jamie

Just having you here, biting your finger, your face in a book. The tree lights blinking. The music playing.

Christopher

Was I biting my finger?

Jamie

Your fingernail. You were sort of nibbling on it, yeah.

(beat)

Do you know any of this music?

Christopher

(naming the song that’s playing)

“Jingle Bells”?

Jamie

I mean, you wouldn’t have listened to it growing up, being Jewish.

Christopher

Believe it or not, even Jewish people know “Jingle Bells.”

Jamie

But you didn’t sing Christmas carols. You sang Jewish songs. Like, whatever the Jewish equivalent is.

Christopher

I don’t think we have an equivalent. I mean, we have prayers. We have “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.”

Jamie

That’s the spinny thing, right? For Hanukkah?

Christopher

There really were no Jews where you grew up, were there?

Jamie

No. I mean, I know about Hanukkah. From Saturday Night Live. The Hanukkah song?

Christopher

Of course you do.

Jamie

You didn’t think it was funny?

Christopher

Seriously?

Jamie

Come on, you didn’t?

Christopher

I mean, it’s not Jewish music.

Jamie

Adam Sandler is Jewish, isn’t he?

Christopher

That doesn’t mean the music is Jewish.

Jamie

Sing me something Jewish, then. Anything. Come on.

Christopher

I barely remember anything.

Jamie

Sing me something you do.

Christopher

(beat)

“Baruch atah adonai, eloheinu melech haolam...”

Jamie

Keep going.

Christopher

That’s all I remember.

Jamie

What does it mean?

Christopher

It’s a blessing. Part of a blessing. You’re... thanking God for all he’s provided.

Jamie

When would you say it? The blessing?

Christopher

It was mostly my mom who said it.

Jamie

Like, before meals?

Christopher

On Fridays. Shabbat. “Baruch atah adonai,” the part I just sang. The rest of the blessing was different depending on what you were thanking him for.

Jamie

What would you say to thank him for reuniting you with someone you missed?

Christopher

I don’t think you would--say something. I’m not the best person to ask. I can’t say I had much of a relationship with God...

(beat)

Would you mind if I got back to this?

Jamie

Sure.

Christopher goes back to reading. Jamie watches him. Long pause.

Christopher

It’s hard to read with you watching me.

Jamie

Sorry.

Jamie gets up, crosses toward the kitchen, then circles back.

Jamie

I’d wanted to ask you... I’m sorry, I know you’re reading. I just... I would try to picture what you were doing while you were gone. Where you were sitting, what you were wearing, if you were reading a book or looking out a window.

Christopher

Mostly I was working at my computer and not wearing pants.

Jamie

You can do that here. You do do that here.

Christopher

I have all my work stuff at my apartment. It’s easier for me to focus when everything’s in one place.

Jamie

There’s plenty of room here. For papers and things.

Christopher

I’m not going to fill your apartment with my papers.

Jamie

So you really spent all that time working?

Christopher

I told you I saw my sister. Babysat my nephew.

Jamie

Do you have any pictures?

Christopher

Of me babysitting?

Jamie

Of your nephew.

Christopher

My sister had some wallet photos printed.

Jamie

But you don’t have one?

Christopher

Not on me.

Jamie

Isn’t that the point of wallet photos? So you can have them on you?

Christopher

I didn’t ask for one.

Jamie

But so, you babysat, like, once a week? Maybe two or three times a week?

Christopher

And worked.

Jamie

The whole rest of the time?

Christopher

Basically.

Jamie

I thought maybe you’d met someone. Maybe that why you didn’t seem all that interested in talking.

Christopher

I wasn’t seeing anyone. If I didn’t seem interested it’s because I was tired.

Jamie

But I want you to know you can tell me if something happened. I won’t be angry. I mean, I know things can happen; you were away for a long time. We should have talked about this before you left. I wanted to bring it up on the phone but whenever you picked up you sounded so tired.

Christopher

Nothing happened.

Jamie

You can tell me if something did.

Christopher

Did something happen with you?

Jamie

No. But I was here. I mean, if you’d needed me, called me, I probably would have been tired from work, but I would have stayed on the phone, told you about all the little things that happened during my day.

Christopher

I didn’t think all the little things were important.

Jamie

They aren’t. Individually. It’s the little things all together. And the big ones. All these different-sized puzzle pieces that I wanted to put together while you away, to make a picture in my head of what you were doing, who you were with. You never talk about your friends.

Christopher

That’s because they’re mostly back in New York.

Jamie

They’re still part of your life. You must talk with them on the phone.

Christopher

Not really.

Jamie

So you send e-mails?

Christopher

I send e-mails all day for work.

Jamie

I’m not asking to be intrusive, I’m just curious what they’re like, what you talk about. I mean, if I had friends other than Sloan, I’d tell you about them, introduce you to them. I’d told you about my relationships.

Christopher

You didn’t have to.

Jamie

You wouldn’t have been curious?

Christopher

You can’t spend all your time thinking about the past any more than you can spend it trying to anticipate the future. When I’m here, I’m in the present. I look at you and I see all the pieces in front of me.

Jamie

You don’t see all the pieces.

Christopher

I see the ones you show me.

Jamie

I’d feel comfortable showing you more, if you showed me more.

Christopher

Maybe I don’t want to see more.

Jamie

Why wouldn’t you?

Christopher

(of the book)

I’d really like to get back to this.

Jamie

Why did you come back?

Christopher

Because I wanted to.

Jamie

Why?

Christopher

Why did I want to?

Jamie

You don’t really seem like you’re back. Not really.

Christopher

I’ve told you, I feel safe here.

Jamie

Safe from what?

Christopher

I don’t know. Safe.

Jamie

From? People break eye contact when they’re lying. You know that, right? It’s one of the most basic tells in the book.

Christopher

I didn’t think I was being formally interviewed.

Jamie

I just want to be close to you. I want to feel safe with you, like you do with me. There are things that scare me that I need to be able to tell you about. Can’t we just tell each other what scares us? It should be so easy, shouldn’t it? Trusting each other? Being close to each other?

Christopher

I don’t know who said it should be easy.

Jamie

I know it can’t happen at all once. I know it takes time. But I may not have as much time as most people, and the idea of doing this again, of you leaving and me waiting here with no idea what you’re doing or even whether you’re coming back at all... I don’t want to do that again. I want someone to be close to, someone who will keep coming back. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want someone who will accept you, even for the very worst things?

Christopher

I can’t be any closer to you than I’ve been.

Jamie

Why?

Christopher

Because I don’t want to be.

(beat)

What I do when I’m not here is separate from here. That’s why I came back. Because this is separate.

Jamie

Don’t you find that exhausting, keeping things separate?

Christopher

Not always. Not if I don’t think about doing it.

Jamie

It makes me so tired.

Christopher

(sharply)

Then why don’t you stop talking?

(as Jamie looks at him)

It’s simple. Just stop talking. Or take a nap if you’re tired; follow Sloan’s example. I was reading. I was fine.

Jamie

I didn’t think this would happen with you.

Christopher

What?

Jamie

I thought... I really thought...

An OFFSTAGE RUSTLE OF KEYS AT A DOOR and the DOOR OPENING.

Sloan

(from off)

Okay, who’s been naughty and needs to sit on mamma’s lap to ask for forgiveness!

Sloan enters with a casserole dish covered in tin foil.

Sloan

These string beans need a hot oven, pronto!

(registering the look on Jamie’s face)

Have the suicides begun?

Jamie

What?

Sloan

The holiday suicides? I hope you’ve prepared Christopher for the truly depressing days in the life of a death investigator in late December.

Jamie

I’m not on call tonight.

Sloan

Thank goodness.

Jamie

Sloan...?

Sloan

(exiting to the kitchen)

I’m borrowing some butter.

Jamie

Sloan, I... I used up all the butter. Could you maybe go out and grab some, give us a few minutes to--?

TJ enters.

TJ

Hey.

Jamie

Hello.

TJ

You’re a death investigator?

Jamie

Yes.

TJ

Is that, like, the person who cuts open the body and weighs the organs and stuff? Like on TV?

Jamie

That’s the medical examiner. Or the coroner.

TJ

Are there any death investigators on TV?

Jamie

I don’t watch TV.

Sloan enters.

Sloan

Jamie, this is TJ. TJ, my little brother, Jamie, and his boyfriend, Christopher. Did you say something while I was in the kitchen?

Jamie

Never mind.

(shaking TJ’s hand)

Hello TJ.

TJ

You guys are brothers?

Sloan

Not literally. TJ is very literal. I know I didn’t mention he was coming but it hadn’t occurred to me until the very last moment, how lonely I would be now that it’s no longer just the two of us. He won’t each much, don’t worry. I fed him before we got here. Drinks?

TJ

Definitely.

Jamie

Do you want a drink?

Christopher

Sure, that’d be nice. Thank you.

Jamie

The two of you sit down, get comfortable. I’ll be back.

He exits. TJ GIGGLES.

TJ

(in a Schwarzenegger voice)

“I’ll be back.”

Sloan

Pardon?

TJ

(to Sloan and Christopher)

Terminator 2?

Sloan

What now?

TJ

Terminator 2.

(again, in the Schwarzenegger voice)

“I’ll be back.”

Sloan

That’s a movie, correct?

TJ

Seriously?

Sloan

I can’t say I’ve seen it. Christopher, have you seen it?

Christopher

I saw it on video. A couple of years ago.

TJ

You should have seen it in the theater, it was awesome! I’ve seen it on video too but really for the special effects and the explosions and everything you needed to see it in the theater.

Sloan

TJ’s my landlord’s cousin. He’s been helping to keep the place running while Phil is recovering from hip surgery. Speaking of which, when are you going to install that new hot water knob in my shower? I’ve gone through two sets of pliers already, twisting on the hot water every morning. Do you know what happens to pliers in the shower? They rust.

TJ

You need to pay the rent.

Sloan

I pay my rent.

TJ

Not according to my uncle.

Sloan

I poked the check through the little slot in his door just like I always do.

TJ

He said he didn’t get anything.

Sloan

Then I expect you to relay this conversation and ask him to look again. And tell him I’m billing him for the pliers if that knob isn’t replaced.

Jamie enters with a tray of drinks.

TJ

He’s not gonna pay for pliers.

Sloan

Just tell him to look again. And remember to tell him how nice this was of me, bringing you out for Christmas dinner. I didn’t have to do that. I could have had an extra drink all to myself. Now what did you prepare for us?

Jamie

Rum and cokes.

Sloan

You don’t like rum and coke.

Jamie

It’s... fine. It’s festive.

Sloan

What did you make for yourself?

Jamie

I don’t feel like drinking tonight.

TJ

I’ll have a rum and coke.

Sloan

Now what is wrong with you? You said there haven’t been any suicides. The night is young. The beans are buttered.

Jamie

I’m feeling kinda nauseous.

Sloan

(of the tray)

Let’s set that down, then. You go step away for a moment, I’ll look after things.

Jamie

It’s not the pills.

Sloan

Then what on earth...?

Sloan looks at Jamie, then at Christopher. He sets down the tray.

Sloan

You know what? I need some help with those beans in the kitchen. Christopher--?

Jamie

(to Sloan)

I’ll be fine, it’ll pass.

Sloan

Of course it’ll pass. It’s Christmas eve and everything will pass, like candy-colored sands through the hourglass of time. Christopher, would you mind entertaining TJ for just a moment? Jamie’s oven is so fancy I never know if I’m pushing the right buttons.

Christopher

We’ll be fine. Go ahead.

Jamie

This really isn’t--

Sloan

(escorting Jamie out)

Don’t touch those glasses.

Jamie and Sloan exit. Christopher looks at TJ and smiles. TJ smiles back, then looks around the room.

TJ

This place is fancy.

Christopher

It’s not mine.

TJ

You know what it’s missing? A TV.

Christopher

Jamie doesn’t watch TV.

TJ

I know. I’d go nuts.

(pause)

Do you have a TV?

Christopher

Yeah. I do kinda miss it.

TJ

Where do you live?

Christopher

Denver.

TJ

That’s far.

Christopher

It’s not bad. The flight’s only two hours.

TJ

How long are you here?

Christopher

I’m not sure now.

TJ

Man, you couldn’t make me leave this place.

(spots the book)

You like reading?

Christopher

Sometimes. Depends on the book.

TJ

How about that one?

Christopher

I don’t know. I met the guy who wrote it. He gave me a copy.

TJ

What’s it about?

Christopher

How to be successful.

TJ

Can I take a look?

Christopher gives TJ the book; he thumbs through it.

TJ

You know this guy?

Christopher

I’ve met him.

TJ

Your name’s Christopher, right? And his is...

(checking the front cover)

He wrote you something. In the back. His name’s Bob, right?

TJ hands him the book. Christopher reads the note.

Christopher

This is embarrassing.

TJ

What?

Christopher

Did you... read it?

TJ

What?

Christopher

The note.

TJ

Oh. Not really.

Christopher

You just... saw my name and his name?

TJ

His phone number’s in there, too. I get how you missed it. I always open books to the end. I don’t read a lot but when I do there’s gotta be a mystery or a murder or something exciting and if I’m gonna make it all the way through, the ending’s gotta be worth it.

(pointing to the book)

Is that a mystery?

Christopher

No.

TJ

What’s it about?

Christopher

Success.

TJ

I don’t know if I’d be reading that. It doesn’t sound fun. Is it good?

Christopher

No.

TJ

Then how come you’re reading it?

Sloan

(reentering with Christopher)

Well, the beans are nearly ready, Jamie’s got his a gin and ginger. Now, to friendship. To friendship, and... honesty. I am not always honest. Frankly I don’t see how anyone can always be honest if they plan on surviving this world with their hearts and their heinies intact. Still, there are times when one must be honest, when a person (or two people) must put their hearts and their asses on the line. I have constructed a beautiful castle around my heart, built of the most magnificent stone, surrounded by a bottomless moat filled with pink feathers and glitter. But my heart is alone in that castle. And my ass, which you’ll agree is in fantastic shape, is nearly as often alone, as is the rest of me. Would I risk having my beautiful ass torn up, my elaborately fortressed heart seized and punctured, in exchange for the promise of intimacy? No, I don’t think I would. Not again. Not after all the work I’ve done patching them up after repeatedly allowing them to be handled by unkind hands. But not all hands are unkind. Some are quite generous. So I say to any party--or to any two parties--who might be present and in need of a nudge: do consider whether the risk might not be worth it in this case. I’m not saying it is, but then again, I think it could be, and I’m being honest. Which, as I’ve already said, is not something I’m accustomed to being. I’m not always honest. Or even good. But when I feel called upon by the occasion, I do make an effort. Cheers.

They drink.

Sloan

Now, Jamie, you’ll remember to take out those beans? TJ, I think I’d like to go home and watch a movie. Maybe we could rent that one you were just talking about.

Jamie

You’re going?

Sloan

Regrettably.

TJ

I don’t want to go.

Sloan

Come on, my little plumber.

TJ

You said we’d get to drink.

Sloan

And you did.

TJ

I paid for the gas and everything.

Sloan

TJ, I am not feeling well.

TJ

You were fine before we left.

Sloan

I put up a strong front. But I’m afraid I do have a touch of something.

TJ

I’m hungry.

Sloan

Then I’ll feed you something else when we get home.

TJ

I’m not a dog you feed; I’m a person.

Sloan

Of course you are.

TJ

And you didn’t feed me before we got here. You gave me some strings beans and whatever, that’s not food. You said if I paid for gas I could eat and drink as much as I wanted.

Sloan

TJ, this is tiresome.

TJ

Fuck you.

Sloan

And that is inappropriate, even by my standards.

TJ

(of Jamie)

I bet you’ve gotten more than a tank of gas out of this guy.

Sloan

(firmly)

I have. Much more.

TJ exits.

Sloan

(to Jamie and Christopher)

I’m sorry we won’t be spending the evening together. Maybe you can come by the rodeo tomorrow night and see me perform. Oh, I added a new hula girl to my collection. She’s pudgier than the others, and she’s wearing these little red boots which I think are just adorable. I hope to be able to show her to the two of you.

Sloan exits. The APARTMENT DOOR is heard to SHUT. Long silence between Christopher and Jamie.

Jamie

I’m HIV positive.

Christopher looks at him. Long pause.

Jamie

I should have told you. We’re always safe. I wouldn’t have done anything with you that wasn’t safe.

He pauses for a response but doesn’t get one.

Jamie

The truth is, I feel sick about it. It makes me sick to be around other gay guys my age because most of them only talk about sex and I think to myself, if they only knew. Before I met you that night, guys kept coming up to me. If they only knew what I could do to them.

Christopher

Kill them, you mean.

Jamie

Yeah.

Christopher

You went to a place where you thought to yourself, “I could kill people.”

Jamie

Maybe it’ll stop killing people. Maybe these new medications will work but fuck if anyone knows.

Christopher

Why would you go to a bathhouse if that’s how you felt?

Jamie

I was in a new place, nobody knew me. I wanted to feel normal. Maybe get a blowjob or something, watch a couple of guys going at it. I’d thought about bringing condoms in case I’d... I don’t want to pretend I hadn’t thought about it. It’s been so long. I’ve thought about it with you. God I’ve wanted to be inside you.

Christopher

Inside me, with a condom.

Jamie

Just--inside you. I want to feel you. It’s been years since I’ve felt someone in that way, someone I’ve cared about.

Christopher

You’d thought about bringing condoms, but you didn’t.

Jamie

They had condoms at the bathhouse.

Christopher

But you’d never been there before. You didn’t know that.

Jamie

I just wanted to pretend everything was normal. But when I saw you in that swimming pool, when I saw the expression on your face like... like something was circling you beneath the water, and you were trying to stay perfectly still so it wouldn’t bite you... I thought to myself, I just want to protect him. All I could think of was to scoop you out of that pool and bring you someplace safe.

Christopher

“You sure make the water look nice.”

Jamie

It was a stupid thing to say, I know.

Christopher

It sounded more like a seduction than a rescue attempt.

Jamie

And if I’d said, “hey, you look frightened and miserable, I think we can understand each other,” you’d have gotten out? That’s why I thought things could be different between us. I thought maybe we could understand each other, help each other be less frightened and miserable.

Christopher

I thought you were trying to be Superman. You’re not supposed to be frightened or miserable, just strong.

Jamie

I’ve failed at it. Badly. I’ve wanted to hurt people, okay? I have. I feel sick admitted it but it’s true. I’ve been more terrified in those moments than anytime in my life, and I’m telling you because I want you to tell me--

Christopher

Stop.

Jamie

I want to know what scares you, why you have nightmares almost every night, what it is you come here to get away from.

Christopher

You don’t want me to tell you.

Jamie

I can accept you for who you are, if you can accept me. All I’m asking is for you to show me more of who you are. Show me. I’ll understand. Let me understand you.

Christopher

By telling you what scares me.

Jamie

I want us to help each other.

Christopher

(beat)

The power of my sadness scares me. You understand that power. You’ve wanted to hurt people. So have I. We’ve wanted to consume them with our sadness, and we’ve fought ourselves not to. But if you just stop fighting. Not even by taking action, by doing something, but just by not doing something. Not putting on a condom. Not going for help. If I just stop fighting, my sadness can be more terrible, more fearsome, than anything I’d ever imagined.

Jamie

Not going for help?

Christopher

Just by doing nothing, not telling anyone.

Jamie

The report said he slipped.

Christopher

I felt frozen. I was drunk. I heard him--moaning. And then I saw blood. I thought about going for help. But then I just--stood there. And I realized, he could be dying. And all I had to do was stand there and do nothing.

Jamie

So you--watched him die?

Christopher

I just... stood there for a few minutes. Maybe five? He had a private room. I went to the door, opened it, turned the lock on the doorknob, and shut him inside.

Jamie

This is a crime, you know. If he slipped and fell in front of you and you just stood there watching?

Christopher

I thought you could accept me for what I am.

Jamie

Accept that you contributed to someone’s death?

Christopher

Isn’t that what you would have done? If you’d had sex with someone that night without a condom?

Jamie

I didn’t do that.

Christopher

But you’d thought about it. You said you’ve wanted to hurt people. Maybe you would have that night if you hadn’t seen me first.

Jamie

You need to tell someone.

Christopher

I am.

Jamie

Not me. The police. You need to be telling this to the police.

Christopher

You asked me to tell you. You were practically begging me to tell you. I could have said nothing and just, just kept coming back here to pretend like everything was normal, like you said. You know what it’s like not wanting to think about what’s inside you, what you’re capable of.

Jamie

This is my job.

Christopher

I didn’t realize you were so loyal to your job.

Jamie

It’s not just my job. This is wrong. What you did was wrong.

Christopher

I hadn’t planned it. I wasn’t walking into the bathhouse that night thinking maybe this would happen, maybe I would allow it to happen.

Jamie

Why would it scare you if you don’t think it’s wrong?

Christopher

What scares me is how much more it may be capable of. If my sadness could do this. If my disappointment in myself, in my life, could have such power, without my even doing anything--just standing there, shutting a door...

Jamie

You were both drunk. The coroner would have taken his blood alcohol level; if there were anything suspicious about the scene, the police would have made more of an effort. Probably they wouldn’t have bothered anyway because who cares if some gay guy slips and falls in a bathhouse. You can say it was an accident and you were scared to come forward. And the rest of it you can talk about with someone who can help you. I think you need that. Someone who can help you.

Christopher

I thought that person was supposed to be you.

Jamie

This is a sickness. This is a mental sickness.

Christopher

Do you know what’s funny? I thought you were the opposite of me. That’s why I came here, because you seemed so good, so incapable of doing anything like what I’d done. And now I’m realizing we’re not all that different, and you’re telling me I’m sick, I need to atone, I need to see a therapist. I went to that man’s room thinking we’d have sex. I hadn’t planned anything. I wasn’t saying to myself, maybe I’ll have sex tonight without a condom and risk infecting someone just so I can pretend I’m normal, and maybe so I can punish them for being normal. I didn’t do that. You did. And I didn’t say you were sick. I didn’t say that.

Jamie

If I ever knew for a fact that I’d infected someone, I would kill myself.

Christopher

You don’t know that. You say it and you probably believe it, but you can’t know the feeling of release, of setting your misery free on someone else.

Jamie

I don’t want to feel any more disappointed in myself than I already do. Maybe I’ll live to a hundred or maybe I’ll be dead in a month, but I want to feel less disappointed in myself by the time it happens, not more. And right now, looking at you, that’s all I feel. I fabricated an entire story for us, based on nothing. The same as I’d done for half a dozen men before you. I am so disappointed in myself. By now I should know better.

Christopher

(beat)

I guess I’ll start getting together my things, then.

Jamie

You don’t have to go tonight. It’s Christmas; the hotels will be crazy.

Christopher

I’m sure I can find something. I might just go to the airport, see about a flight.

Jamie

You don’t have to go tonight.

Christopher

I don’t want to make you feel any more disappointed.

Jamie

I shouldn’t have said that.

Christopher

You said it because it’s true.

Christopher moves to exit, stops.

Christopher

Do you really not understand these things at all? These things I’ve been describing?

Jamie

When I first found out I was positive, I wanted to infect everyone I could.

Christopher

But you didn’t actually infect anyone.

Jamie

No.

Christopher

I wonder what would have happened if there had been an accident. If the condom broke. I wonder what feelings would have rushed through you, the moment you realized what you’d done.

Jamie

Like I said, I think I would have killed myself.

Christopher

I’ve thought about that, too. Or finding someone else to do it for me. I’m not saying I would, just that I’ve thought about it.

Jamie

I wish I knew how to help you.

Christopher

The good news is, apparently I can choose not to suffer as much as I do. At least according to the guy who wrote this book.

Jamie

You don’t sound like you believe that.

Christopher

It’s something to think about, anyway.

Jamie

I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m angry at you.

Christopher

Better to be angry at me than be too much like me.

Jamie

I’m nothing like you.

Christopher

Maybe that’s true. Although if I’d met this version of me years ago, I probably would have said the same thing. I am nothing like you.

Scene 7

A private room in a bathhouse. Christopher is smoking in a small room that contains only a cot; a towel is wrapped around his waist.

He listens to the SOUNDS OF LAUGHTER AND THUMPING MUSIC outside the room, then looks at his cigarette. He moves to extinguish it on his elbow just as TWO MEN IN TOWELS stumble into the room, NECKING and LAUGHING.

Bathhouse Man 2

(seeing Christopher)

Oh shit.

Bathhouse Man 1

(to Christopher)

Hey.

Christopher

Hey.

Bathhouse Man 1

Sorry man.

Christopher

It’s fine.

Bathhouse Man 1

(turns to go with Bathhouse Man 2, then turns back)

You should probably put that out. There’s smoking on the patio.

Christopher

It’s like twelve degrees outside.

Bathhouse Man 1

It’s heated. They’re pretty strict about that stuff is all I’m saying.

Christopher

(putting out the cigarette)

Thanks for the heads up.

Bathhouse Man 1

Happy New Year.

Bathhouse Men 1 and 2 turn to go.

Christopher

All the rooms are booked, I think. It’s surprising how many guys are here tonight.

Bathhouse Man 1

Playroom’s finally open.

Christopher

But if you want privacy.

Bathhouse Man 1

We’ll be okay.

Bathhouse Man 2

Unless you’re inviting us to hang out. I mean, your door was open.

Christopher

I don’t know anyone.

Bathhouse Man 2

You visiting?

Christopher

I got in from Chicago a few days ago.

Bathhouse Man 2

You’ve got people in Denver?

Christopher

Not really. I don’t really have people in most places.

Bathhouse Man 1

So what brings you?

Christopher

Someone died.

Bathhouse Man 2

Shit.

Christopher

I didn’t know him well. Barely. He... He slipped on a wet floor and hit his head.

Bathhouse Man 1

So you were there? When it happened?

Christopher

(pause)

Yeah.

Bathhouse Man 2

Shit, man.

Christopher

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about this. You were having fun. You two seem really happy.

Bathhouse Man 2

So what did you do?

Christopher

You guys should check out the playroom. They put in a flogging station and everything. Seriously, have fun.

Bathhouse Man 1

Okay, man.

Bathhouse Man 2 exits. Bathhouse Man 1 is about to follow him off.

Bathhouse Man 1

Sorry again. For crashing in here. You sure you’re okay?

Christopher nods. Bathhouse Man 1 exits.

Christopher picks up his half-smoked cigarette and relights it. He takes a drag and then puts it out again, lying down on the cot and closing his eyes.

Reed enters.

Reed

Comfortable?

Christopher

Tired.

Reed

I won’t have you falling asleep on me now.

Christopher

But it’s so comfortable.

Reed

Oh, you’re far gone, alright, if you think this thing is comfortable.

Christopher

I’m waiting for my massage.

Reed

You’re bossy when you’re tired!

Reed massages him.

Christopher

Can I ask you something?

Reed

Sure.

Christopher

Were you... aware of me? Standing there?

Reed

When?

Christopher

After you fell.

Reed

You’re tensing up. I need you to loosen those muscles.

Christopher

Once, when I was a kid, I fell down a flight of stairs. I was in the basement. My dad was yelling at me to come up. I remember his voice and the pounding of my feet on the stairs as I raced to get to him before I got in trouble. I’d nearly reached the top when my foot missed a step. I heard noises. Crashing. I remember becoming conscious of a pain in my leg. I remember opening my eyes, becoming conscious of my dad still yelling at me from upstairs, then becoming aware of the fact that I’d fallen. It’s as if my consciousness returned in layers. It wasn’t until all of the layers were present at once that the pain became so horrible, I started to wail.

Reed

You broke your leg?

Christopher

In two places.

Reed

You should have relaxed, let yourself go loose.

Christopher

Is that what you did?

Reed

Did when?

Christopher

When you fell.

Reed

Let’s just focus on you. These shoulders aren’t getting any looser.

Christopher

Why won’t you ever tell me?

Reed

Tell you what, now?

Christopher

I think I would wake up less at night, knowing those layers of consciousness never came back to you. Knowing you never became aware of the pain. Of me.

Reed

You’re not gonna make this easy, are you? I figured you wouldn’t. I was gonna save this until you let me get to work under that towel, but I brought something.

Christopher

Something?

Reed takes out a knife.

Reed

Something to help you concentrate. Focus. You need to take deep breaths, relax.

Christopher

I don’t wake up every night anymore.

Reed

I just want to make you feel good.

Christopher

Not every night, but most nights are still terrible.

Reed

You dared me, remember? “I dare you to make me feel good.”

(gently pressing the knife into Christopher’s hand)

Let me make you feel good.

Christopher

I’m trying.

Reed

Concentrate. There, you see? You’re relaxing. Feel that? You can just close your eyes, enjoy being in control. You’re in control. Feel yourself expanding.

Outside the room, VOICES can be heard CHEERING and COUNTING DOWN FROM “10.”

Christopher

It hurts.

Reed

It only hurts because you want it to.

Christopher

Why would I want it to hurt?

Reed

Because if it didn’t, you’d be a monster.

The VOICES cry “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

Scene 8

Christopher is asleep on the cot. Bob peeks in, a party horn tucked into his towel. He sits on the cot and touches Christopher’s arm. Christopher wakes with a start.

Christopher

What time is it?

Bob gives a SOFT BLOW OF THE PARTY HORN.

Christopher

It’s after midnight?

Bob

I saw you asleep in here earlier. I figured you’d want to be woken up before the place completely empties out.

Christopher

You’re back?

Bob

Spending New Year’s with the family.

Christopher

Here?

Bob

Here?

Christopher

No. That’s a shame. Imagine the looks on everyone’s faces if they saw mom and dad in the sauna.

(beat)

Are you by yourself?

Bob

I had a friend with me earlier.

Christopher

A friend?

Bob

A guy I met here a few nights ago.

Christopher

So you’re already tapped out for the evening?

Bob

I’m not the kind of guy who’s easily tapped out. I thought you’d remember that.

Bob leans in to kiss Christopher. Christopher inches away.

Christopher

I read your book.

Bob

Oh yeah?

Christopher

Yeah.

Bob

All the way to the end?

Christopher

Yeah.

Bob

You never called.

Christopher

I thought about it.

Bob

You don’t have to say anything nice about it, it’s okay.

Christopher

Are you being sarcastic?

Bob

No. Legitimately. I hate feeling pressured to give compliments.

Christopher

Has it gotten you many speaking engagements?

Bob

Not exactly. I mean, the book’s only been out a few weeks. The first few weeks are when you make the big push, but who knows? Once the New Year gets started, people come back from vacation...

Christopher

So you’re optimistic.

Bob

I choose to be. Life is all about those kinds of choices. You can choose to be optimistic, or you can choose to feel defeated.

Christopher

I read that. In the book.

Bob

Sorry. Sometimes I get into presenter mode, I can’t stop myself. Anyway, I choose to be hopeful. This is my thing. I have a lot of my identity wrapped up in this.

Christopher

That can be dangerous. Be careful.

Bob

When I was growing up, I used to ask my parents why they picked me, of all the kids they could have adopted. They said it was because I was special.

Christopher

Special, how?

Bob

I got B minuses and Cs in school. Couldn’t play sports. Wasn’t popular. I used to like to draw, but I never did anything with it as I got older. Fell in with a bad crowd, did a bunch of drugs. It wouldn’t matter how high I was or how little I’d done to deserve it, my parents would still tell me I was special. I remember thinking, are they saying that because they need to believe it, to justify the choice they made?

Christopher

Are most of us special, really?

Bob

I choose to think so. I think we can all be special in our own ways. You have your little gifts, I have mine.

Christopher

But if most of us are just--insignificant?

Bob

I think it’s important to cultivate some sense of significance. Otherwise, what are you bringing to the world? What’s your contribution? What’s to keep you from disappearing?

Christopher

The idea of being insignificant scares you.

Bob

Doesn’t it scare you?

Christopher

Not as much as it used to. I think, maybe it has to do with what you said. Not... contributing something. Bringing something to the world. But...

Bob

Finding your significance?

Christopher

Finding... what it is that defines me.

Bob

That’s a beautiful thing. You don’t sound happy when you say it.

Christopher

I don’t think it’s beautiful. But it is mine.

Bob

Well, what is it that defines you?

Christopher

Someone said to me once, with a name like mine, I ought to be an explorer.

Bob

Christopher, as in Christopher Columbus?

Christopher

That was the idea.

Bob

Not exactly a good guy, was he?

(beat)

So here you are, an explorer landed on a mysterious new continent.

Christopher

It’s not exactly new to either of us.

Bob

Everything is new and mysterious to an explorer. You need to survey the landscape, document your impressions.

Christopher

It’s a lonely continent, this place. Quiet.

Bob

Now. Earlier you could barely hear yourself.

Christopher

The floor is bone-dry.

Bob

It is.

Christopher

I’ve never been in a room in one of these places where the floor was so dry. The corners of the cot, though...

Bob

What about them?

Christopher

I almost cut myself earlier.

Bob

(touches one)

Geez. That’s dangerous. We’re going to want to avoid those. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a lawsuit.

Christopher

If you’re very quiet, you can hear the shadows moving.

Bob

And what about the man sitting next to you? What would you write about him in your explorer’s journal?

Christopher

He’s trusting.

Bob

He tries to be.

Christopher

He has... all these interesting scoops and turns. In his body. His musculature.

Bob

You can explore those with your hands, if you want.

Christopher

(touching Bob’s face)

He hasn’t shaved in a few days.

Bob

Stubble’s the new thing.

Christopher

His eyes are... dark. Tired.

Bob

If that’s how you see them.

Christopher

He’s a denizen of this place. This quiet, abandoned place.

Bob

You must like that it’s abandoned. I know how you love privacy.

Christopher

It’s like throwing yourself under a blanket as a child, thinking that no one can see you.

Bob

No one can see us.

Christopher

The door is open.

Bob

Want me to shut it?

Christopher

I want you to show me a better way.

Bob

There’s no better way to explore than to be like a child. There’s no right or wrong, only discovery. I think you like that idea; I can see it in your face.

(beat, looking closely at him)

I see something else in there, too. Something inscrutable. I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad.

Christopher

Shut the door?

Bob crosses to the door and shuts it. Blackout.

The End